the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
