girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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