I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
