she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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