My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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