Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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