Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
