just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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