You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
