Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
