I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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