another moral hangover. fuck.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
