did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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