Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
