She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
