I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
