She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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