I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
