Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
