Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
