the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
