singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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