whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
