So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sex in a hospital.. check
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
