A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
