went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
