Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
