Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
