I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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