You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
