I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
