adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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