Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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