I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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