I met the friendliest cop last night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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