Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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