She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
