seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
