So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
