What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
