...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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