Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
