You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
