I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He passed out mid-signature
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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