I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
