If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
