is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
