never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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