The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
