you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
