Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
