Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
