new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
