Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
