Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
